I've been learning a lot about myself in these last few weeks. A kind of wholesome not always good tasting but good for you food to the soul.
I have these moments where I realize how stunningly much I have to be thankful for. Like when I was making a pbj a few minutes ago, and it occurred to me that not much of the world has the luxury of snacks. Or how I keep receiving support from friends, family, and strangers, toward my time in Vietnam next year. Or when I wake up in the morning and hear my grandparents downstairs, who are staying with us for the summer. I wish I could remember this all the time. I have a feeling things will get harder. Not just with physical discomforts (like getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow) but with the bleak, challenging times of life. I can't really say I'm ready for them. Or am I?

just details

The cherry blossoms are all pink and bursting, and the tent caterpillars are descending like little streamers en masse. In fragrant spots on the way to the library, I can hear the bees buzzing all together.
This morning outside my window I saw a squirrel and a crow in a little fighting match. The crow would sneak in, and the squirrel, poised like a sprinter, would lunge at it with abandon. Eventually it chased the crow back into a tree.

I just brought back all my library books. I unfolded the dog-eared pages but didn't erase my pencil marks.

Your love never can fail
to pierce me--
hammers and nails

rhythm of passion
louder than hell
thunder of heaven
hammers and nails

-Mark Heard

odd ends

These days I've been coming to the ends of things. My shampoo won't last another week, nor will my mouthwash or laundry detergent. I've almost run out of loose leaf paper, and I only have a few coffee filters left. It would be a shame to buy all these for one week's supply.


This afternoon I attended the last class period of my education. My professor brought flowers to the graduating seniors: for each, 2 tulips and forget-me-nots. She handed out our class evaluations and left the room, and like usual, I was the last person to finish. In the empty room with a cool breeze coming through, I sat there for a minute extra. It felt right to be there alone, to have a moment with myself in that place. This is it, I thought, here I am. I tried to have big thoughts of this symbolic end of the line, but it was simpler than I had imagined. I dropped off my evaluation in the folder, turned off the lights, and looked into the empty classroom once more as I left.